This Is Your Life

I have been back in Jackson for nearly a month now! I have faced new challenges, regained strength, and struggled with the new realities of my condition. I have realized recently that during the first two months of knowing about my condition, I knew the exact restrictions that my new life would face. In this most recent chapter of my life, I have had to implement these changes on my own. If you’re curious, I would be glad to expound on these minute and massive changes that are affecting my daily routine.

The most impacting of these limitations is my new need for sleep. I have always loved sleep! It is my favorite pastime and I have always been a fan of the college afternoon nap. However, now I am running on a constantly lower level of energy, and I must maximize my sleep to get through the day. In other words, my doctor said I should limit all-nighter study sessions, 2am Taco Bell runs, and midnight movies. No matter what your age is, you are probably wondering why this would discourage me or affect my routine. Apparently you don’t know me well enough. My dad says that nothing good happens AFTER midnight. I am a firm believer that on a Christian college campus, nothing noteworthy happens BEFORE midnight! I treasure my memories of pledging ATΩ and being a crazy freshman last year. I lived my life to the fullest, and pushed my body to the limits. However, now I have to grow up and act like I’m civilized. I now aim to be in bed by midnight every night, and I try to nap daily. Even then, I am not at the “Old Stephen” 100%, but that is to be expected.

The next big shock was the reality of not playing basketball. It was a little easier to take the shock of being told I would never play my favorite sport again when I was 80 miles from the UU Big Gym and intramural basketball. Now I am daily surrounded by my brothers and an entire school focusing on basketball for the next two months. I love the game unlike anything else. Instead of quitting completely, I actually signed up to coach and play for a lower division (and competition level) basketball team with my fraternity. As mascot, coach, and star bench player, my role is to coach the team, and to come in and stand in the corner for one minute each game. For that entire minute my teammates feed me the ball until I make a routine shot that fifth graders in P.E. can make on a regular basis. What 99% of people in the gym do not realize is that the moment that I do score is the biggest thrill of my new lifetime! In our first intramural game, I scored 5 points without breaking a sweat and was happier than a kid in a candy shop! The 3-pointer I made felt like a game-winner. The layup felt like a buzzer beater. My one assist made me feel like John Stockton, and my one rebound made me feel like Dwight Howard. I cannot explain to you the agony of walking down a court, knowing full-well that my body is able to run. However, with this knowledge, I cannot explain the joy that I get from just being on the court. My athletic body died on December 2, 2011. My new heart was born, and I am now a broken vessel made for another purpose. I have taken it upon myself to be the official basketball encourager for ATΩ this semester!

Overall, my new life is great. My handicap spot has made life easier, my friends have been understanding of my situation, and I have begun to forget my “dire” situation. Most days, I feel slightly tired, but magnificently normal! It is a blessing to be average once again and I do not take it for granted. Occasionally I get offended at the ignorance of a stranger or the comment of someone I know, but I don’t know well. I do not expect anyone to understand, but thankfully my true friends know what I am going through psychologically. I poured out my heart to my fraternity brothers last Sunday in meeting. It was quite therapeutic, and afterwards I felt like some of them had a grasp on the nitty gritty details of my life.

From now on, I am determined to stick to my regimen of healthy living and safety precautions. However, I plan to fly under the handicap radar, as I want as few people as possible to recognize my inabilities. Call me a coward, or call me a human being; I want to do whatever is necessary to stay alive (Not picking up heavy things for a girl in need, not volunteering for grunt work, staying away from mosh pits and fights). I hate that I have lost the ability to help some, but I have been forced to realize that I must fight to stay alive for the rest of my life. It starts now.

Therefore, I am going to quit writing and go study for the two tests I have tomorrow.

To God be the Glory,
Rom 12:1-2
Stephen Hauss

“This is your life, are you who you want to be?” -Switchfoot

Opportunity

Today I am seeing some of the fruit of my experiences over the last two months. I am more than thankful that God has provided me with opportunities to speak about what I have seen and heard.

Sunday night I was privileged to address my fraternity brothers and share some stories and lessons that I learned while I was away. Tonight, I have the opportunity to speak to the youth group at Englewood in Jackson. I am excited and blessed to have a chance to warn these kids that tomorrow is not guaranteed, and the good things in life should be treasured while they are ours.

Please pray for me as I share my thoughts, and pray that God will work and convict students of living lives that don’t acknowledge the daily presence of God’s grace.

In Christ,
Rom. 12:1-2
Stephen Hauss

Time

Until two months ago, I had never found a decent excuse to say “no” to anyone who asked for a piece of my time. Now, with my current condition, I have no choice, but to cut down on the things I am involved in. Life is much different this semester, without the same ability to be carefree and relaxed about how I spend my time. Instead, now I must strictly schedule myself so I do not over-commit myself. I am the president of my class and my fraternity. I have a wonderful girlfriend, and a brotherhood unlike no other in Alpha Tau Omega.

I am learning to adjust to my new normal. Each day I learn new things that I can’t do anymore. However, each day I realize new things that I can focus on to help avoid dwelling on the negative. God has given me good friends to encourage me, class to occupy my time, and responsibility to minimize my free time.

My first day officially back at Union, I attended a leadership conference with keynote speaker Dr. Tim Elmore. As the author of Habitudes, he uses pictures to teach leadership principles. One of the images was called Rivers and Floods. In this analogy, Elmore compared the efforts and energy of a leader to that of a river (focused and channeled) or a flood (undirected and chaotic). This lesson spoke to me, and challenged me to be intentional with my relationships this semester. My friend and ATΩ pledge educator told me that afternoon, “I believe that, much like Christ, each of us can only have 12 truly intentional relationships in our lives.” Later in the afternoon, Elmore stressed the importance of every leader choosing and training a “Joshua”, or a successor. These principles lit a fire under me and encouraged me to pursue meaningful relationships and to use my time wisely.

Therefore, I am learning to say no to some opportunities, and to focus on others. I am limited, and therefore I must limit myself before my disease takes control and becomes the enforcer! I apologize in advance if I cannot help everyone, lead everyone, or spend time with everyone this semester. While I want to spend time with everyone, God has drastically interrupted my plans in the last two months. My life is now much different. God has assigned me to my post. I know why he put me there, and I am going to pursue excellence in my calling (and only my calling).

In Christ,
Rom 12:1-2
Stephen Hauss

Victory

Saturday I moved back into my dorm. Sunday I returned to Englewood Baptist Church, and the first song I sang was Victory in Jesus! Irony? I think not.

I am back! God has been gracious to me beyond imagination in the last three days. For two months, God said “no” to every request I gave him. But, I trusted God that eventually he would say “yes” again. He has indeed. Today I got an email from my doctor, and I am officially immune to mono and I’m free of that virus! I have returned to the only place I feel completely free, and it is a beautiful feeling.

Sunday, I leaned over to Molly in church and whispered, “It’s about time I had some victory!”

The Lord has tested me, tried me, and stretched me in the last two months. It has been the hardest situation I’ve ever faced. I was trapped in a rotation of bad circumstances. I don’t know exactly what God was trying to teach me because it came in such a variety of ways. However, I know there was a purpose, and I will try to let God’s work be evident.

Now I am back, and I am more thankful than ever to have friends, Molly, and a place to call home. It’s good to be back, Union! I promise to appreciate the daily blessings that I have here. I plan to give my all, even if my all is not what it once was. Life will be different from now on. I have a new normal. But praise God I can finally say that life IS normal again. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I promise I know this better than most.

I have not beaten Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. But I have decided not to give up, and to do everything in my power to live life to the fullest. Here’s to a great semester! Roll Tide. God bless.

In Christ,
Rom 12:1-2
Stephen Hauss

Ben Breedlove

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmlTHfVaU9o (part one of the video: follow the link to youtube)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4LSEXsvRAI&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL (part two)

These are the links to a video about a young man named Ben Breedlove (please watch). He had the same heart condition that I do (HCM). People magazine wrote an article about him, and his video was featured on ABC News recently. The youtube video has nearly 6 million hits, and millions more have heard his story.

Ben Breedlove died last month on Christmas Day. He was diagnosed with HCM at a young age, and he struggled with the disease and other health problems from birth. A friend of mine suggested I watch the video because of his courage and outlook on the situation.

At the conclusion of the video, he poses a piercing question to his audience. “Do you believe in angels?” “I do,” he said.

The news has praised his courage, faith, and have wondered at his amazing stories. Ben Breedlove died a hero to his friends and the people that have seen his friends. I watched the video and I was captured by his smile and his attitude. He was obviously content in spite of the circumstances. That portion of the video was encouraging.

However, I was more encouraged by the true reality that Ben hinted at; the truth that he stumbled upon and revealed to the world. Ben expressed that he believed that angels came and comforted him in time of distress. He alluded to a greater power and then the video ended. I have committed my life and this terrible situation to a bit of a greater cause. I do not wish to allude to a creator, but instead I proudly claim the name of the one true God and I have faith in his name. Our country appreciates faith, but it is scared to death of radical faith in a radical God. People praise the faith of a dying man, but they have no faith of their own. I think that Ben made bold statements in his video, and he lived a life worthy of praise. I strive to make bold statements about what God has done in my life, and to live a life that is worthy of giving God praise.

I hope you enjoy my perspective.

In Christ,
Rom 12:1-2
Stephen Hauss

Sympathy

Yesterday for the first time someone told me they felt sorry for me.

I was both surprised and a little saddened by this statement.  At that moment, my mind flew through the details of my situation and I laughed at the quip.  Personally, I think that I am the last person that should be pitied.  I appreciate the sympathy of those who assisted me and my family as I recovered from surgery, but now I do not welcome sympathy at my condition.  I am in a position that most people never get to experience, and for that I am thankful.

I think that my condition is a normal part of (my) life, and therefore, it is my responsibility to keep living.  It scares me when my friends or the people around me stop joking around with me or they act differently.  I am not a cripple or a dying man.  In fact, I have instructed my good friends to come up with as many ‘heart’ or defibrillator jokes as possible and I invite good humor.  I am the chief comedian about my condition.  I am the heartless jokester and I completely embrace that! So feel free to crack jokes and realize that I am ok with where I am in life.

I think that I am fortunate.  I know that I have a problem, and doctors are helping me fight it.  I have a medical issue, I don’t have a REAL heart issue.  I know what my future holds on earth, and I know where my future is past my days on this earth.  I do not wish for anyone to feel bad for me.  Instead, I hope that people that come into contact with me will be affected by the story that God has written for me.  This is all a part of his plan.  I am not happy with my diagnosis or my current situation with mono, but I am content in the work of the Lord in my life that has resulted from these problems.  I told my mom today, I have learned to rely on God daily, I have learned patience, contentment, and the fear of the Lord.

So please do not feel bad for me.  Feel bad for the people who have healthy earthly hearts and dying souls.  Don’t express to me your sadness, express to them your hope in Christ.  I praise God in this storm.  Please do the same.

In Christ,
Rom 12:1-2
Stephen Hauss

Mono-poly

It has been a while since I have felt the urge to write. I get the feeling that God has me in a learning phase right now, so it seems foolish for me to attempt to teach others based on my experiences right now.

By definition I’m a quarantined man too sick to leave the house. I have been diagnosed with mono and my doctor is especially concerned about infection getting to my heart. Therefore I’m confined to my house.

In reality I am mostly healthy and fully bored. I am not suffering from any of the debilitating symptoms of mono (extreme fatigue, fever). I am midway thru the course of the sickness and I am merely waiting for my body to return to full strength. While I am not “suffering” from mono, I am deeply affected by the presence of the virus. My life has been put on hold for another month. Another month of nervous waiting on test results. I am missing my favorite part of the school year. January term is the time to relax, get extra credit hours, and have fun in Jackson. Instead, while all of my friends do that, I sit at home and I’m barely allowed to see anyone. A few of my friends braved the contagion and paid me a visit. My girlfriend came and visited on the same day! These highlights will carry me onward.

I keep reminding myself that I have not been defeated. Maybe God is trying to prove that I am weak and he is strong. All I know is that I am going to beat sickness soon if it is the last thing I do. I love life. Right now I’m in the second level of a bad dream (Inception allusion) and so time moves slower than reality. A day feels like a week and a week seems like a droning cloud that won’t go away. However, inside of this cloud I feel the presence of God in a unique way. I know he is with me, I know he will not give me a test that I cannot handle, and I the enemy is powerless against him. More than ever I feel the gloom of the darkness, but I see the light at the end of this test shining way too bright to ignore. I know the test is rough. I hate it with daily determination. I hate the evil one who tempts me to give up on God and his plan. I do not hate the tester of my faith. I merely grit my teeth, thank him, and try slowly eat away at the ropes that bind me to this house.

It’s A Wonderful Life

The Christmas season is the highlight of the year for most Americans. For my family, this is the most special time of year. My grandparents from Florida come into town, and my sister and brother-in-law made the trip up from Tuscaloosa. This is the time of year that I am most thankful for the family that I have and the people that mean the most to me.

This year more than ever I have intentionally reflected on the power of the Christmas story and the deepest roots of Christmas. I have spent the entire month at home with my parents and sister, and away from my friends at school. Honestly, I have had more time than ever to realize God’s activity in my life. For a month I have been through extreme ups and downs as I have gone from diagnosis to sickness to surgery to recovery. I praise God daily for the gift of his son! That baby boy was born so that I could be born, and that I could be in fellowship with an almighty God. I have continually learned the gravity of THE Christmas gift, and I have been reminded of the glory of its reward. I am more than ever in love with who God is, and I am more than ever thankful that he has not and will not abandon me!

Another advantage of this break has been to spend time with my family. This is the most time I have spent in my house since graduation, and it has been a blessing. I have once again been given the opportunity to watch the daily lives of my Godly parents, and to sit under their counsel. For a year and a half I embraced freedom (which has been the best possible personal experience), and it has been wonderful to return to the comforts of home and family for the holidays. I appreciate so much the faith of my parents, and their encouragement every step of the way along this journey.

Finally I have been overwhelmed by the love of my friends. Phone call after phone call, visit day after day, and encouraging jokes and gifts have kept my spirits high. My loving girlfriend, chief of them all, has been there for me by my side every step of the way. Her strength has become my strength, and she has enabled me to be strong for her during this difficult season of life. My friends from Union have been far away from me physically, but many have kept me in their prayers and thoughts, and it is thrilling to see God work among them. I thank God for friends who are willing to visit me when I am sick, text me when I am bored, and encourage me when I am sad. My friends from back home have been a true lifeline for me. I had the greatest friends in the world from highschool (no matter how crazy or stupid we all may be), and they have been there for me this Christmas. They have given me the gifts of laughter, companionship, and good memories this holiday season. Their greatest contribution? My new growing number of nicknames! Sparky, The Tin Man, The Electric Eel, Terminator, and Optimus Prime have all been thrown around and joked about for the last two weeks!

My favorite Christmas movie is the timeless classic, It’s A Wonderful Life. At the climax of the film, George Bailey goes through the greatest trial of his life. He thought he had lost everything, until an angel named Clarence came and taught him the true meaning of greatness. I believe that God has taught me the same lesson in recent days.
“Remember George,
No man is a failure who has friends.”
-Clarence
I usually cry at the end of the movie. I guess I now have the same luxury that George Bailey had at the end of the film. The movie ended for the viewer, but his life led on into a bright future. I hope and pray that mine does too. The curtain has fallen for most of you. My time as an encouragement has been limited. Of the nearly 4000 people that have read my blog, only a few will read it again. My words are not important. But, my future IS important. Important to me, and important to those of you who came to my side when I was hurting. Those of you who have been there for me, you aided me when I was one of “the least of these.” For that, God will bless you. I hope that I will not return to the “least of these” category for a while. It is time for me to go and conquer the world…or whatever God has planned. Somebody sing Auld Lang Syne and ring the church bells. Movie over. Let life continue.

In Christ,
Rom. 12:1-2
Stephen Hauss

 

Thursday, December 22

Many of you have been praying for me, and many of you have been asking how I am doing after my surgery. I thank all of you for your kindness and care during this difficult week. I thank all of the people who have brought meals to my family, prayed for my family, and sent words or prayers of encouragement my way.

The surgery went well as planned. God knew what he was doing, and he let the surgeons in on the plan. I was under anesthesia and the knife for two hours, and  WALLA I had a new friend inside my chest. If you are curious, doctors cut open my chest, slid in a fancy new defibrillator, tested the device, and sewed me back up (As they tested the device, they made sure it would save my life and so they put my heart out of rhythm and then promptly shocked it back into sync). All went well, and I have a functioning heart and a sore chest to prove it.

The device is right below my left collar-bone. Unfortunately, it is visible and it is about the size of a container of dental floss under my skin. My dad reminded me that the fact that people can see the device will give me the daily opportunity to tell my story and give God glory. This is the truth and it is a fact that I will not let myself forget. Human nature, however, is reminding me of other things about my new friend. It will limit me, it will be noticeable, and it will leave a scar. I guess I am going to have to accept this and move on. What does it matter anyway? I am a guy and I think every true man needs a good scar in the first place. #manpoints

This week I have been sore and cooped up. I haven’t liked it, and I have made that clear to my parents. Thankfully they have both been through similar situations and they have been able to encourage me and give me perspective. It has been tough to be lazy and weak so long. However, I believe it has been a much-needed break for me. The last three weeks changed my life. It was a radical change, and it knocked me off my feet. Before that, last semester was a windstorm, full of good, bad, fun, tough, exciting, and stressful experiences. I thank God for last semester, but I also praise Him that I got to have this break before I return to school. He is truly in control.

I heard yesterday that I probably currently have, or have recently had, Mono. This was not exactly music to my ears. This would explain how exhausted I was at the end of last semester, but it would be a big blow if I was forced to stay home and continue to rest instead of returning to school if I have the sickness now. I hear Tuesday what the verdict is. I hope that I had Mono last semester and I am through with the fatigue that comes with it.

I pray for good health. I have had bronchitis, a sinus infection, and possibly Mono in the last two weeks. Pray that infection flee my body and especially my healing wound. Keep me in your prayers. I am as weak as I have been in a long time, but I am poised to take steps to regain my strength! I do not wish to stay down. God bless all of you who continue to support me.

In Christ,
Rom 12:1-2
Stephen

The Lord of the Rings

Have you ever watched a movie and put yourself in the position of the main character?

Usually out of arrogance or hopefulness, I always imagine myself as the protagonist on-screen. I think it is a part of the larger-than-life imagination that I was given at birth. Anyhow, today I watched the epic conclusion to J.R.R. Tolkien’s, The Lord of the Rings. I watched with my little sister Callie (explaining every little detail to a new viewer) and I took in this masterpiece for the 100th time. Of course, I have always wanted to be Sam. Everyone knows that in the Return of the King that Sam Gamgee is the true hero. However, towards the climax of the movie I saw myself in the character of Frodo.

And so I explain…

In all seriousness I did see myself in the character of Frodo. God has given me a test so great that it may take my life. But it is the only test that will make my life significant. If Frodo had stayed home he would have been safe from the dangers he faced; BUT he would have died a coward and an ignorant soul. I intend to face temptation and to flee what is average. I do not intend to settle for anything less than victory. Frodo made many bad choices along the way. He also persevered to the bitter end.

So if you hate the Lord of the Rings, more power to you. It has inspired me many times in my life. As a child when I read the books, as a middle school boy caught up in the grandeur of the movies, and now as a young man determined to make his life count. I hope to return to the Shire one day. But never for good. The Shire is not my home. I work for an eternal home and I will not be satisfied in this world we live in. I desire to be with my father.

In Christ,
Rom. 12:1-2
Stephen